SNAPE'S REPLACEMENT
by lisa2
Summary: Just a usual day in the commonroom, exept for a strange announcement in the commonroom. (And Crookshanks attacking George Weasley...)
1. Default Chapter Title

Hermione Granger rolled her eyes. "Ron, you've had over a week to do that essay! Your not copying mine, I don't care what you say! Professor Flitwick only wanted one roll of parchment, too! Sorry, but that's too easy an assignment. You should've finished it a long time ago!"  
Her friend, Ron Weasley, began promtly begging. "Hermione! Please? Come on, I only need one more inch- just one more inch. That's next to nothing!"  
Hermione, however, simply said, "If it's next to nothing, why didin't you just finish it?". Her annoying nonchalant tone only angered Ron more. Harry Potter, their friend, ould see trouble brewing.   
"Who cares, guys? Come on, if you two don't quit arguing, we'll miss Charms altogether!" he said, taking on his usual role of the peacemaker.  
Ron and Hermione shut up at once and gathered their books for Charms. The three of them headed to Charms silently, with Ron throwing dirty looks at Hermione every chance he got.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning, Harry awoke to find that Ron was already up and down in the commonroom. Dressing quickly, he headed downstairs to find Ron beating his brother Fred at chess. Fred's twin brother, George, was trying to shake Crookshanks, Hermione's very intelligent (but very ugly) cat off of him, for Crookshanks seemed to have mistaken poor George for his scratching post, while Hermione pretended to be reading without noticing. But Harry noticed that she kept peering over the top of her enormously thick book with an amused expression, as though she was holding back laughter.   
Many of the other Gryffindor's were up and about, entering and exiting the portrait hole; walking about, talking and chatting with friends. Most took no notice of George or Crookshanks, instead, they were all crowded around a notice that had been posted in the commonroom. Harry sat down at a chair by Ron and Fred, who spoke to him without taking their eyes off of their game.   
"Sleep late, eh Harry?" Fred said with a grin. He then made what he seemed to think was a very good move, judging by the sarcastic grin he gave Ron.  
Ron, though, took no notice. "Hey, Harry," he said, taking the piece Fred had just shifted in one swift move. Fred's face fell; all traces of the smirk were gone, and now Ron wore the triumphant smile.  
"Hey," Harry replied sleepily. "What's everybody looking at?" he asked, inplying the notice evryone was crowded around and whispering excitedly about.  
Fred, still slightly upset about his recent loss, responded. "Temporary substitute in Potions. Snape's going to be away a lot this year, so they've got another teacher. Unfourtunatly, it's transitory. The other teacher will only be here for this year," he said, taking Ron's bishop proudly. He barely noticed George as he hopped behing Ron on one foot, kicking the other foot in usless attempts to shake off Crookshanks.  
"A new Potions teacher? Where'd Snape go? And why?" Harry asked, thinking of Dumbledore's asking Snape to do something last year.   
"Don't ask questions Harry," Ron intervined. "As long as we don't have to deal with Snape this year!" He swiftly moved one of his pieces o the left and chekmated Fred, who puts his head in his hands and sighed. "You always win, Ronald. I should have known better."  
Ron shrugged as Fred got up and walked away. As Fred sauntered away, he gave Crookshanks one abrupt kick and the poor cat went rolling acroos the room before it regained it senses and ran back to George who tore out of the commonroom screaming at the top of his lungs, followed by a screeching Crookshanks.  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Snape's Replacement, Part 2!!!  
By: Lisa  
  
After the escapade with George and Crookshanks, Ron, Harry and Hermione made their way to Charms class quickly, Ron still pestering Hermione to let him copy the last inch of her essay. Hermione feigned deafness and ignored him, causing Ron to only talk louder, until she burst out,  
"No! N.O. No way! Dream on!" which caused Ron to become furious. Welcome to another wonderful day at Hogwarts, thought Harry, a slight smile forming on his face as he fell behind Ron and Hermione, who were in a heated argument.   
When the trio had finally made their way to Charms without bloodshed, Professor Flitwick, the tiny charms teacher, greeted them by asking for their essay. When Ron said he didn't have his, Professor Flitwick announced that Ron would be serving detention down in the dungeons with Professor Perioli, the new Potions master. At this, the entire class turned around to stare at Ron, some with looks of envy on their faces, other with laughing faces. Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, who Hermione had chosen to sit with over Ron and Harry (Probably because of Ron, Harry thought.) both gasped, and looked quite shocked. Ron himself wore a dumfounded expression. When Flitwick walked away, Ron turned to Harry.  
"Call me lucky," he said with an attempted smile. "I get to meet the new potions teacher before any of you do."  
Harry could only shrug, and pray that the new potions master was a fairly nice one.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later that night, while sitting in the commonroom and playing chess with Seamus Finnigan, ( Harry was losing wonderfully at the moment.) Ron began to leave the commonroom. "I'll be right back," Harry muttered to Seamus, who looked like he couldn't care less, since his girlfriend, Lavender, had just walked up to him. Harry got up and went over to Ron.   
"What do you think he'll be like?" Ron asked nervously, before Harry could get a word in.  
"I dunno," Harry responded thoughtfully. "But you'll be the first to know." He figured that this might cheer Ron up, since no one had so much as seen the new professor yet, and no doubt everyone would be asking Ron what Professor Perioli was like.   
"Yeah. I suppose," Ron said with a shrug. "See you later, then." With that, he strode out of the commonroom.  
"Good luck!" Harry called after him. He then turned to go back to his game of chess, but Lavender had taken his seat, and the she and Seamus were deep in conversation. In another corner of the room, Fred Weasley was sitting with his girlfriend, Angelina Johnson. Harry just rolled his eyes and headed up to his dormitory. But unfortunately, not before Crookshanks sped past him, making yet another beeline for poor George Weasley.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning, people were swarming over Ron, trying to get information about Professor Perioli.  
"What's he like?" Parvati Patil asked eagerly.  
"What did he make you do, Ron?" asked Parvati's twin, Padma, who was once again, much warmer to Ron now that he was the center of attention.   
"What's he look like Ron?" asked Ginny Weasley, looking rather intrigued.  
"Is he anything like Snape?" Neville Longbottom asked in a slightly terrified voice.  
"Well..." said Ron. "For starters, he's a she."  
The entire Gryffindor table, which was overcrowded by Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws also trying to hear about Professor Perioli, went deadly silent.   
Finally, Hermione spoke. "Oh really? What's she like?"  
That seemed to break the silence. As one, every one began chattering away again.  
Harry, however, couldn't wait until the next day, when they would have potions.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next day, Harry and Ron headed down to breakfast earlier than usual, since they wanted to be on time for their potions lesson. There was hardly anyone there, but Hermione, Parvati, and Lavender were all down there. So were Seamus, Dean, and Neville. Harry and Ron supposed everyone was there because of the same reason- Potions.  
"Hi," said Hermione.  
"Hey," the both muttered.  
The rest of breakfast they ate hurriedly in silence, as the hall began to fill up with students. Fred, George and their friend Lee Jordan sat down next to them.   
"So you guys have Potions first, eh?" said Fred.  
"Yes. When do you have it?" Hermione replied.   
"Not until Wednesday," Lee said with a bit of resentment in his voice.  
Harry shrugged. "We'll tell you what she's like, if you want."  
Fred, George and Lee just exchanged an exasperated look. "It's not the same thing," George said.  
"What is then? Getting chased by a mad cat?" Ron said with a sarcastic grin.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
All of the fifth year Gryffindors headed down to Potions together. Ron and Hermione took up their favorite habit along the way- fighting. Harry just rolled his eyes and kept a safe distance away, however, just incase things got ugly.  
When they came to the door, they could tell by the apprehensive look on the Slytherins faces, that they had no idea what the Professor's NAME even was. Just then, Malfoy sauntered up to Ron.  
"Heard you had detentions with the new teacher, Weasley," he said, obviously trying to weasel information out of Ron, but Ron pretended he didn't notice.  
"Yeah, that's right," he said nonchalantly.  
"So... tell me, Weasley. What's he like?" Malfoy said, pressing on.  
" 'He' is a 'she'," said a female voice behind them. They all turned to face a short, round woman who couldn't have been taller than Ron, with a short, spiky hair. Professor Perioli. "Unless, of course, you think I'm a man?" she continued. The Slytherins just stared, openmouthed. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, however, fought back laughter.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Part 3 Coming Soon!!!   
  
Disclaimer/ Writer's Note: None of these characters are mine, exept Professor Perioli, which is pronounced Perrie-olie. All of the rest of the crew are (c) JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. Thanks!   
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Snape's Replacement, Part 3  
By: Lisa  
  
All of the Slytherins froze, but the Gryffindors were all stifling their laughter.   
"Well?" Professor Perioli continued. "Are you going to answer me or are you going to just stand there?"  
Malfoy stuttered. "I- uh... I didn't mean... it was..." He threw pleading looks at all of the other Slytherins, who were all still in shock.   
Perioli noticed all of the other students, half shaking with suppressed laughter, half standing frozen. "Okay," she snapped. "Show's over. Get inside so we can begin."  
All of the Gryffindors stopped laughing and filed inside, followed by the Slytherins.   
"Today, we are going to begin Fire Potions,' Professor Perioli said. "I want you all to split up in to pairs and begin brewing potions as quickly as possible. The ingredients needed are listed on the chalkboard. Get to work. Now!" she snapped. Harry and Ron hurriedly took their things out of their bags and began to set up Ron cauldron while Hermione was working with Neville at his cauldron. Harry looked over at Ron to ask if he could borrow some of his cricket legs and saw that Ron was crushing the table instead of his rat-tails. Harry looked up at him and followed his gaze to Hermione and Neville's cauldron. Harry rolled his eyes.   
"Uh, Ron? D'ya think I could borrow some cricket legs?" Harry asked loud enough to try and attempt to snap him out of it, but not loud enough to let everyone hear.  
"Uh huh. Yeah. Take 'em," Ron said not looking at Harry, but rather down at his rat tails, and his ears were red.   
"Could you two please stop socializing long enough to get something done?" said a sharp voice behind them. It was Perioli.   
"Sorry, Professor," Ron said.   
"Sorry my butt. You two-" she pointed at Parvati and Lavender. "Split up. You've been talking, too. Patil, come over here with Potter. Weasley, you go over and work with Brown. Now!" Parvati and Ron both gathered their things up very quickly and headed over to the opposite cauldron. Harry sighed. Did she have to put Parvati over here? Since last years Yule Ball, they hadn't exactly been chummy. Of course, Ron probably had it worse, judging by the way Seamus was eyeing Ron. Hermione was giving Ron a look too, but her was more along the lines of 'I told you so' than anything else.   
"Hi Harry," Parvati said, rather coldly.  
"Hello," Harry replied, not looking up.  
"What did you and Ron put in so far?" she asked, all business.  
But just then, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, all sniggering and muffling heir laugher about something, disrupted them. Probably me, Harry thought, returning to his cauldron.   
"Malfoy, just for that, you can work on your own. 10 points from Slytherin. Go. Now!" Professor Perioli barked.   
Malfoy and the rest of the entire class just stared, stunned.  
  
"I don't get it," Ron said for the 50th time that night. "She was actually normal yesterday!"  
"Forget about it," Harry told him.  
"Yeah, maybe she just feels as if she should be strict during lessons," Hermione suggested.  
"I guess. But still... she's like another Snape!" Ron moaned.  
"Oh come off it," Hermione interrupted in a matter-of-fact tone. "At least she doesn't favor the Slytherins." She shrugged.  
Just then Seamus, Dean, and Lavender walked up them. Harry noticed Parvati was still sitting across the room, her arms crossed, as if she'd refused to come over.  
"Hi," Harry said.  
"Hi Harry," said Seamus. He followed Harry glance to Parvati and lowered his voice. "Yes, she won't come over here because of you."   
Harry was startled. It was like he'd read his mind. "Why though? What'd I do to her?"  
"Beats me," Seamus said. "But, boy, does she hate you!"   
Lavender, who had been holding Seamus's hand, used her other hand to smack his arm. "Well, lets just gossip on Parvati, eh?"  
Dean shrugged. "Why not? She can't hear us." At this, both Lavender and Hermione got up and pushed Dean to the far corner of the room before coming back and sitting down, quite as though nothing had happened at all.   
  
  
Harry knew it shouldn't have been bothering him, but he couldn't help but notice that Parvati was even moodier than usual lately. One day, when everyone was in the commonroom, Lavender and Hermione entered, and they were talking nonstop and looked as though they were thinking hard. Harry found this strange, since Hermione found Lavender nice, but a little ditzy. Ron, however, found the amusement in the situation.   
"Never thought I'd see Lavender actually think," he joked.   
Harry forced a grin. "Yeah,"  
But Lavender and Hermione headed up to the girls dormitory without so much as a glance at Harry and Ron.  
Ron seemed to take it as a personal insult. "What? She hasn't got time to say hello to her best friends?" he said, looking rather offended.  
  
  
Over the next few weeks, Hermione was spending less and less time with Ron and Harry. Ron found this very insulting and was constantly making comments about how he was glad she decided to ditch them. However, every time she did ignore them, he'd always have a hurt look.   
Harry had to agree with him, however, that she had decided to suddenly ditch them. He wasn't sure why, either, until one morning.   
He had wakened up earlier than usual to get in some Quidditch practice in. However, at the top of the stairs, he heard voices. But he couldn't make out what they were saying, so he walked down a few steps, sat down so they couldn't se him, and paused. Now he could hear the words, but he couldn't see the faces. Yet, he didn't need to. The breezy, matter-of-fact voice was no doubt Hermione's, the light, girly one belonged to Lavender, and the sullen, upset one was definitely Parvati's. He crouched down further, but listened harder.  
"It's okay," came Lavender's voice.  
"Why didn't you tell us before?" Hermione asked.  
Parvati spoke up. "Because I didn't want anyone to know I was related to that- that bitch!"  
Hermione spoke up. "You never told us you were muggle-born."  
"You never asked. Not even Lavender." Parvati replied resentfully.  
"I agree Perioli is mean, but we wouldn't care," Lavender said gently.  
"Yeah, but she hates me! Just because of my-" Parvati retorted, but she was shushed by a sudden yell.   
"Harry Potter, what do you think you're doing up there?!" Hermione cried.  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. The entire crew is (c) JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. Except for Professor Perioli, who's my creation!  



	4. Default Chapter Title

SNAPE'S REPLACEMENT, PART 4  
By: Lisa  
  
A/N: Yes, Parvati is related to Perioli. This part of the series basically explains HOW.  
  
  
Harry gulped. He was caught.   
"Harry! Get down from there!" Hermione hissed, and Harry stood up sheepishly. He looked down at Hermione, who was standing at the foot of the stairs; Lavender, who was sitting on a couch near Parvati looking scandalized, and Parvati herself, who was looking at Harry with a mixture of shock and hatred.  
After an awkward moment of silence, Lavender spoke up. "How much have you heard?" she asked, in a whisper.  
Harry shrugged self-consciously. "Um... about a minutes worth?" he guessed.  
Parvati stood up slowly. "So you know.. .you know that..." she said, seemingly unable to actually say the words.  
"All I know is that you're a muggle born and you're related to Perioli," he said quickly. "That's all."  
Just then, they heard footsteps coming from the boys' dormitory. All four stood there, holding their breaths. And quite suddenly, Ron appeared, walking down the steps sleepily. When he spotted the four of them, he said, "Hi. What're you all doing down here?" he gave them a cheerful smile, oblivious to the fact that Parvati and Lavender were shooting daggers at him with their eyes. Hermione decided to take the awkward silence that followed as an opportunity.   
"Hi Ron. You know, I'm suddenly rather hungry. I'm sure you are too. Lets go have some breakfast, eh?" she said, rushing over and yanking a very confused Ron out of the room.   
Parvati collapsed dramatically onto the chair. "That's ALL?!" she spat. "That hag loathes me. She doesn't just hate me- she despises me!"  
"It can't be that bad," Harry suggested weakly. Then, as an afterthought, he added, "Why does she hate you?"  
Parvati sat upright. "Do you really want to know, Harry?" she asked fiercely.  
Harry simply nodded. Lavender sat down next to Parvati and put a comforting hand on Parvati's shoulder, but Parvati shook it off.   
"Perioli is my aunt. She married my uncle, my mother's brother, years ago," Parvati began, talking with her head down. Harry had to strain to hear. "He was a wizard, and my mother wasn't. It's a lot like your mother, Harry, from what Hermione's told me, anyway." at this point Parvati looked up for the first time since she'd started speaking. "But my mother didn't hate my uncle for being a wizard. Actually, it's a bit the opposite- my uncle didn't really like muggles that much. Anyway, when he married Perioli, she detested Padma and I for years... until my parents found out we were witches. That was when Perioli convinced my parents to let us come and stay with them for awhile. She said that they would better prepare us for Hogwarts. But it turned out to be a huge joke- all she did was tell us not to tell anyone we were muggleborn, blah blah blah." Parvati was speaking quickly now, with a bitter look on her face. "She was also determined that we should be 'popular'. Mind you, I've never been. I think Perioli was quite unpopular while she was here. Anyway, last year, I wrote me mother and told her how the Yule Ball had gone. And yes- I told her that I'd ditched you for the Beauxbatons boy," Parvati looked Harry in the face and shrugged. "Sorry. But anyway, my aunt hates me for being Muggle-born anyway, and when she heard that, I guess it was the last straw for her. So here she is, this year, trying to play matchmaker, all the while, hating me. Ironic, isn't it?" Parvati said the last sentences in one rush.   
Harry sat there. "That's why she stuck you at my cauldron yesterday," he said slowly.  
"No shit!" Parvati burst out. "Haven't you been listening to me?"  
"Yes, I have," Harry said fiercely. "I just want to know why you've decided to hate me, not her!"   
Lavender decided to play peacemaker. "Guys, come on..." she wheedled.  
Both Harry and Parvati began yelling at once.  
"It's his fault! He's the reason Perioli's here right now!" Parvati shouted.  
"Why are you blaming me for your problems? It's not like I asked your aunt to hate you!" Harry yelled, enraged.   
"I know you didn't, but if you hadn't-" Parvati began screaming back, but she was interrupted.   
"If the two of you would shut up for one goddamn moment and quit blaming the other, maybe we can figure out a way to get rid of that woman without killing each other!" Lavender exclaimed, louder than either of them.   
Harry and Parvati looked over at her in surprise. Lavender was probably the quietest Gryffindor, next to Neville, so to hear her yelling like this and taking charge was quite a sight.   
Of course, Lavender herself seemed proud that she shut them and defied their expectations. She calmly continued. "Now, I want the two of you to shut up and call a truce or I'll get Fred and George Weasley out here and tell them the situation. I daresay that they'd find the situation rather entertaining. Entertaining enough to tease the two of you day and night, maybe," she said cleverly.  
Parvati and Harry just stared at her, amazed.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N- this one was fairly short, since it just explains Perioli. To find out how they get rid Perioli, read the next part!  
  
Disclaimer. The entire crew, except Perioli, is (c) JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. Perioli is my creation!  



End file.
